You can be your own best friend, or you can be your own worst enemy. It is so easy to point out what mistakes others are making and give other’s advice, than it is to follow your own advice. I remember when I was trying to cut contact with an ex, I knew exactly what I had to do. It was simple: don’t respond to the texts he was sending me. I knew this, and my friends knew this. However, I just couldn’t stick with it. I would always just say “one more response, for closure..” or have one more excuse for having to respond. I was subconsciously giving him a little bit of hope that I would forgive him. I was keeping the door half open instead of closing it completely. It was frustrating for my friends to see because they didn’t understand why I simply couldn’t just not respond. Why wouldn’t it register in my head that I was making it harder on myself? As easy as it was for other’s to see that I was self-sabotaging, it was extremely hard for me to put a stop to.
This is just one minor example of self-sabotage. Whether or not you relate to that experience or not, I am sure that you have either seen or dealt with self-sabotage at some point in your life. It’s definitely a very confusing concept. I mean, why would we allow ourselves to be our own enemy? How many times have you said or heard someone say something along the lines of “her life would be so much easier if she just stopped dating assholes”. It is so much easier to give other’s advice when looking at the situation externally.. without the internal emotions. But when you try and follow your own advice, your internal emotions can make it a lot harder to do so. There has been many times my friends will take my advice, and it will work.. but when I try and take that advice, I just can’t seem to do it. It is completely clear to me that what I am doing is sabotaging.. almost like an out of body experience, like I am watching myself from across the room shoot myself in the foot. But still, it is so difficult to change.
Another example of self sabotage is procrastination. I have a tendency to put things off to the last minute so that I am left rushing and stressing to pull everything together. I start my essays the day before they are due and I start studying for all four finals the week before. I’ve always assumed I work better under pressure, which is why I procrastinate. But is it worth the anxiety, stress and severe lack of sleep I have to suffer through simply because I couldn’t make myself start earlier? I know that I can save myself the stress if I spread my work out or start a couple days earlier, however I still end up procrastinating. Does that make any logical sense?!
I think everyone has their own version of self sabotage. Maybe you keep insisting to everyone you are done dating the same, unfaithful assholes who fails to recognize your worth, yet you keep finding yourself in similar, unhealthy relationships? Maybe you keep doing something you swore not to do again, because the outcome is always negative? Well, the truth is – no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Yeah, you made the choice to date another asshole. You made the choice to repeat a negative behavior. But, you can also make the choice not to do that. You can choose to accept the love you deserve and nothing less. You can choose to stop procrastinating and save yourself stress. It just takes practice. It definitely isn’t easy, but what habit is easy to break?! You have to start somewhere. So next time you have a gut feeling that you are doing something you know you probably shouldn’t be doing, try and make the decision to not do it. It’ll be worth it.